the power of language

I wanted to write this yesterday, but because of weak internet connections, that just didn't happen. So, here it is.

After a depressive start to the week, I began to feel moderately better in ways, probably a combination of not having to work at the soul-crushing bureaucracy they call Applebees, feeling confident about summer classes, and maybe a little - receiving some much needed appreciation from the boyfriend. I now had some momentum for the week.

Little did I know that Wednesday's words - a few light-shining phrases - would completely change my bleak mood.

I woke up late yesterday morning, semi-prepared for the daunting task of cramming for my British literary history midterm, then actually taking the test at 12. So I grabbed breakfast at McD's, studied like a hermit crab in a room by myself in the Orr Center, took the midterm, presumably rocked the bitch out, then proceeded to my car to head home for lunch.

There I found the first of my "Wednesday's words."

Just as I pulled my keys out to start my rockin' Monte Carlo, i spied on the windshield a note ... for me? I slid it off the surface, "This is a ticket for Being so damn Cute! :-) ." What?!? I laughed my "tehehe" and smiled shyly, almost ashamedly, for I don't know what reason. I thought it was the boyfriend, but I found out later, apparently not. Regardless of the sender, it made me smile like I hadn't in at least a month.

So after lunch and a nice, brief siesta, it was time for class with Dr. Rivers. This is the third course that I've taken with him, a hint that I might either desperately be hunting or a letter of recommendation or actually enjoy his presence in the classroom. Either way, though Rivers rarely gives any abundance of praise or attention to any one person, something he said to me nearly brought me to tears. Just as we were walking out for our ten-minute break, Rivers clumsily dropped a few papers in front of his desk, and as I sit in the very front row, I instantly reached to grab them for him. He creaked up a bit, half ready to grab them himself when he realized that I was already there, "Oh - oh you're getting those for me.
Oh, you're so sweet."

I handed him his papers as I grinned my you-can't-see-I'm-smiling smile, and rushed out of the room. At once, I wanted to run to the bathroom and cry. Not only because I was so touched by the subtle sign of affection and attention that was shown to me, but also because I realized how starved my poor heart was for some genuine love. I knew that such simple flattery shouldn't be enough to elicit such a strong sentiment.....

I have to interrupt and promise that I'm holding this thought. Time for class. :-(