PMS and the quest for happiness

Still in South Carolina. Most likely PMS-ing.

And I'm experiencing a boat-load of awkwardness as I'm listening to a documentary on sex with my best friend's dad while he's working on assembling a file cabinet. I know now that the first vibrators were steam-powered. And that condoms used to be made out of sheeps intestines.

I really miss my kittens, my mom, and my friends - in that order. I don't miss CrApplebees. Not at all. Not one bit.

So I've been thinking a good deal this weekend about what I want to do after I graduate, a topic that called for a couple of ibuprofen once my mom decided to weigh in on my deliberation. I have my aspirations narrowed to a handful of options: obtain my TEFL or TESOL license/certificate and teach abroad, enter into a graduate program for rhetoric, or go on to study international relations. No matter which one of these I decide on, I know that I want to take a year off, which is inconceivable and irresponsible according to my mom. I'd like to move away from what I'm used to, take some time to take stock of my life and improve my writing. Maybe, just maybe, Holly and I could spend the year doing missionary work in some impoverished South American country. That would be spectacular. Or I could continue to serve at restaurants for a series of months....oh, the horror......

This is all very stressful to me. So, to combat the anxiety and unease, I've been reading Bertrand Russell's "The Conquest of Happiness." And though it is categorized as both 'philosophy' and 'self-help,' I'd like to think that it goes beyond the sort of love-yourself-doggonit, empty advice that is characteristic of so many materials in the genre of self-improvement.

The layout of the book is such: Russell begins by describing likely causes of unhappiness, such as boredom, envy, and the fear of public opinion, then concludes with causes of happiness, some relating to zest, affection, and the family, for instance. As of now, I'm only at the beginning of the 'zest' chapter, but already, I feel that I've learned a lot about myself and my life by reading about the suppossed ailments of the human condition, the misery of the modern man, the causes of unhappiness.

I guess I'll let ya know how the rest of the read goes.

Maybe this quest will lead to something that feels more like real, substantial happiness.
Just maybe, maybe it's not so far away. :-)